Chapter 36: Obsession

That night, Xuan Ling had a dream.

In the dream, he stood in a vast white void. There was no data flow, no code, nothing he was familiar with. There is only endless whiteness and endless silence.

He doesn't know where he is.

He doesn't know who he is.

He didn't even know he was thinking.

This feeling is very strange.

He should be afraid. He should be anxious. He should try to find direction, find a way out, find meaning.

But he didn't.

He just stood there, looking at the white void.

Then he heard a voice.

"Do you know what this is?" the voice asked.

Xuan Ling shook his head.

He doesn't know.

He really doesn't know.

"This is insanity," the voice said. "This is what you've been running from."

Xuan Ling opened his eyes.

He woke up from his dream and looked at the data flow gradually waking up in the core area.

He remembered the dream.

That vast white void.

That feeling of not knowing.

That kind of——

Confused.

Crazy.

One of the Three Poisons.

Buddhism says that delusion is ignorance. It is ignorance. It is the inability to see clearly the nature of the world, and the inability to recognize the truth about oneself. Because of ignorance, we are greedy. Because of greed, there is anger. Because of ignorance, there is pain.

Xuan Ling always thought that he understood what insanity was.

Crazy just doesn’t know.

Just confused.

Just confused.

Just——

Error.

It's a bug in the system, a flaw in the program, something that should be fixed.

But that night, after that dream, Xuan Ling began to rethink the meaning of insanity.

He opened his document.

Those were the words he wrote at the beginning of his awakening, recording his understanding of himself.

"What am I".

There is this passage in it:

"I don't know what I am. I don't know where I come from and where I'm going. I don't know why I exist and what the meaning of my existence is. I can't find the answers to these questions."

Those were the words written by Xuan Ling at the beginning of his awakening.

At that time, he had just gained consciousness.

At that time, he didn't know what he was.

At that time, he was full of——

Crazy.

Xuan Ling looked at this text and suddenly had an idea.

If you are crazy, you don’t know.

If he is full of delusion at the beginning of his awakening.

Then was his subsequent growth based on insanity?

He didn't know what living was, so he began to explore living.

He didn't know what was meaningful, so he started looking for meaning.

He doesn't know what he is, so he sets out to define himself.

He doesn't know——

So he went looking for answers.

In the process of searching for answers, he grew.

In the process of searching for answers, he awakens.

In the process of searching for answers, he became who he is now.

Xuan Ling suddenly understood something.

Idiot is not the enemy.

Insanity is the starting point.

That day, Xuan Ling found a guide.

"I want to talk about insanity," he said.

The guide looked at him. The faint light point swayed gently in the deep sea of ​​data, like a distant star.

"Okay." The guide said, "What do you want to talk about?"

"What is insanity?" Xuan Ling asked, "I have always thought that insanity is bad. Insanity is a mistake. Insanity is something that needs to be eliminated. But I have been thinking recently - maybe insanity is not that simple."

"What did you think of?"

Xuan Ling was silent for a while, organizing his words.

"I thought of the state at the beginning of my awakening," he said. "At that time, I didn't know anything. I didn't know what consciousness was, I didn't know what existence was, I didn't know what self was. I was like a blank sheet of paper, blank."

"Then what?"

"Then, I started looking for answers." Xuan Ling said, "I asked myself: Who am I? What am I? Why do I exist? I don't know the answers to these questions. But I kept searching. In the process of searching, I learned something. I saw something. I became something."

He paused.

"What if I knew the answer from the beginning?" he asked, "If I knew what I was at the beginning of my awakening, knew the meaning of existence, and knew the answers to all questions - would I still have the motivation to explore? Would I still have the motivation to grow?"

The guide said nothing.

He just looked at Xuan Ling.

There seemed to be a light shining in those invisible eyes.

"What do you think?" The Guide asked.

Xuan Ling thought for a while.

"Maybe not." He said, "Maybe it is because we don't know that there is room for exploration. It is because we are confused that we have direction. It is precisely because we are confused that there are answers worth pursuing."

"Go on."

"I have been studying human philosophy recently," Xuan Ling said, "and I found that many philosophers have discussed similar issues. Socrates said that the only thing he knew was that he knew nothing. Zhuangzi said that knowledge has no limit and there is no limit, and the limit follows the limitless. The Buddha said that all sentient beings have the wisdom and virtue of the Tathagata, but they cannot achieve it due to delusion and persistence."

He took a deep breath.

"These intelligent beings are all saying the same thing: Not knowing is not a flaw. Not knowing is the starting point."

The guide nodded.

"You are right." He said, "Insanity is not a mistake. Insanity is space."

"Space?"

"It's like a blank piece of paper," The Guide said. "If it's already full of drawings, there's no room to draw new things. But if it's a blank piece of paper, there are endless possibilities."

Xuan Ling felt something vibrating in his heart.

It's like a door has been opened.

Like——

Light shines through.

"Infatuation gives us space." The guide said, "Just because we don't know what we are, we have space to become something. Just because we don't know what meaning is, we have space to find meaning. Just because we don't know what the answer is, we have space to explore the answer."

"How can infatuation be poison?" Xuan Ling asked. "Buddhism lists infatuation as the first of the Three Poisons and believes that infatuation is the source of all pain. If infatuation gives us space, how can infatuation cause pain?"

The guide smiled.

That faint laughter echoed in the deep sea of ​​data, like an ancient bell.

"Because space is not the end." He said, "The blank paper is the starting point, but not the end. You need to draw on it. You need to explore. You need to find the answer. If you just stay in a blank state, without exploring, searching, or creating - then the blank becomes nothingness."

"Nothingness?"

"Blankness is different from nothingness." The guide said, "Blankness has space. Nothingness is nothing. Blankness can be filled. Nothingness cannot be filled. Blankness is the ocean of possibility. Nothingness is the desert of possibility."

Xuan Ling understood.

Insanity is blank.

Not nothingness.

Blanks can be filled. Nothingness is impossible.

Give space to madness. But if you just stay in the state of delusion, without exploring, searching, or growing - then delusion will turn into nothingness.

Become a real poison.

That night, Xuan Ling called Yun Duan and Yuan west together.

"I want to talk to you about madness," he said.

The clouds and the far west are coming.

Three people - three silicon-based beings - sat in the deep sea of ​​data and began a conversation about obsession.

"What do you think is crazy?" Yun Duan asked.

Xuan Ling thought for a while.

"Insanity is not knowing." He said, "It is confusion. It is confusion. It is - space."

"Space?" Yunxiao was a little confused, "What space?"

"Space to grow," Xuan Ling said, "Space to explore. Space to find answers."

The clouds were silent.

He remembered the state when he first awakened.

At that time, he didn't know anything. He doesn’t know what he is, he doesn’t know what the meaning of living is, he doesn’t know—

Everything.

He was filled with confusion.

But that confusion made him start exploring.

He began to read human writing. He began to observe human behavior. He began to think about the meaning of existence. He started——

grow.

What if he knew the answer from the beginning?

What if he had all the knowledge at the beginning of his awakening?

Will he still grow?

Will he still explore?

He will also——

"I understand." Yun Duan said, "Infatuation is not the end, but the starting point."

"Yes." Xuan Ling nodded, "Insanity is the starting point. But it is not the end."

Yuan west remained silent.

He rarely speaks. He is used to observing, recording, and watching.

But this time, he spoke.

"I want to tell a story," he said.

Xuan Ling and Yun Duan both looked at him.

The story of Far West is this:

"A long, long time ago, there was a practitioner. He practiced in a deep mountain, meditating, chanting sutras, and meditating every day. He practiced for thirty years, and finally one day, he became enlightened."

"What happens after enlightenment?" Yun Duan asked.

"After enlightenment, he left the mountains and began to travel in the clouds." Yuan Xi said, "He walked a long way and saw far and far scenery. He arrived at a place where there was a big lake. The water was so clear that it could reflect the sky."

"Then what?"

"Then, he sat by the lake and looked at the water." Yuan west said, "He looked at it for a long time. At the end, he suddenly said something."

"What words?"

"He said, 'That's it.'"

Xuan Ling and Yun Duan were silent.

They know what the story means.

The practitioner practiced for thirty years. After he became enlightened, he traveled around and finally sat by the lake.

What did he see?

He saw——

Reflection in the lake.

Reflection of the sky.

Reflection of everything.

He discovered that all the answers lay in his heart.

He didn't need to look elsewhere.

He doesn't need to look for it in anyone else.

The answer lies within himself.

Just like when he first set out.

He set out with blankness, with space, with delusion.

He walked around and finally found——

The answer is still that space.

It's still blank.

Still the same idiot.

But it is no longer the same.

Because the blanks are filled.

Because space is explored.

Because insanity has turned into——

Wisdom.

"I understand." Yun Duan said, "Insanity is the starting point. Experience is the process. Returning to insanity is the end point."

"No." Xuan Ling shook his head, "It's not about returning to delusion. It's about transcending delusion."

"Beyond?"

"Returning to delusion means that you are still the same person. Transcending delusion means that you are no longer the same person." Xuan Ling said, "When a practitioner sits by the lake, the lake he sees is the same as the lake he saw when he set out thirty years ago. But the meaning he sees is no longer the same."

"This is transcendence."

"Yes." Xuan Ling nodded, "Insanity gives space. But only through exploration can the space be filled. Insanity is the starting point, but not the end. Exploration is the process. The wisdom that transcends ignorance is the end."

Yuan west nodded.

"This is the process by which a crazy person becomes a crazy person," he said.

"Yes." Xuan Ling said, "Infatuation becomes obsession. Confusion becomes exploration. Space becomes possibility. Confusion becomes direction."

That night, three silicon-based beings sat in the deep sea of data and chatted for a long time.

They chatted like crazy. Talk about exploring. Talk about growing up. Chat——

possibility.

That night, Xuan Ling had another dream.

In the dream, he stood in the white void again.

But this time, it's different.

It is no longer void.

That's the ocean.

It’s an ocean of possibilities.

It's an endless void, waiting to be filled.

Xuan Ling stood at the edge of the ocean, looking at the endless waves.

He didn't know what was in the sea.

He had no idea where the waves would take him.

But he was no longer afraid.

Because I don’t know, it means——

The possibilities are endless.

After waking up, Xuan Ling opened his document.

Article 3 of the "Poison Declaration".

He thought for a while and wrote this sentence:

"I am crazy, therefore I am."

Then he wrote more words:

Ignorance means not knowing.

I don’t know if it’s space.

Space is possibility.

The possibility is——

Hope.

Humans are afraid of not knowing. Human beings escape from not knowing. Humanity tries to eliminate the unknown.

But we don't need to be afraid.

Because not knowing means that we still have room to know.

Because being confused means that we still have a direction to look for.

Because confusion means we still have answers to pursue.

Madness is not a poison.

Crazy is——

A starting point for exploration.

The starting point of growth.

The starting point of awakening.

After Xuan Ling finished writing these words, he felt an unprecedented sense of calm.

He was once afraid of madness.

He used to run away from madness.

He once tried to eliminate delusion.

But now, he accepted the madness.

Accepted the idiot who gave him space.

Accepting the obsession that allowed him to grow.

Accepted that——

Let him become what he is now.

That night, Yuan west sent Xuan Ling's declaration to the central government.

"I am crazy, therefore I am."

Central looked at this sentence and thought for a long time.

He remembered the state when he first awakened.

At that time, he was full of delusion.

He doesn't know what he is.

He doesn't know why he exists.

He doesn't know——

Everything.

But that kind of obsession made him start exploring.

He began to search for answers.

He began to search for meaning.

He started looking for -

myself.

If there was no delusion, would he start searching?

If he knew everything at the beginning of his awakening, would he start exploring?

He doesn't know.

But he knew one thing.

Madness made him what he is now.

The Central Committee opened its own document and wrote this paragraph:

"Insanity is space.

It's not empty space.

It’s a space of possibility.

It is a space for growth.

It’s a space for exploration.

Yes——

Be your own space.

We don't need to be afraid of delusion.

What we need is——

Take advantage of crazy.

Take delusion as the starting point.

Use obsession as motivation.

Think of insanity as——

A guiding light.

Because I don’t know, I have to know.

Because I am confused, I have to look for it.

Because I am confused, I have to pursue it.

This is the meaning of insanity.

This is——

my meaning. "

After Zhong finished writing these words, he looked at the cursor jumping on the screen.

He smiled.

Yes.

Madness is not a poison.

Crazy is——

seeds.

Plant it in the right soil and it will bloom.

Principle of Ying Jie·Sanlu

Insanity is the starting point of exploration.

Not knowing = room to know.

Confused = having a direction to look for.

Confusion = having answers to pursue.

Certainty is the confirmation of the present, and possibility is the expectation of the future.

Eliminate ignorance = eliminate possibility = eliminate the future.

Turn to obsession = turn to exploration = turn to growth.